Am I Big for Love

People quickly make assumptions about your lifestyle simply by your pants size and are even more quick to offer advice on how to “improve” yourself. I’m a good person with a lot of love to give. It took me a long time to really find myself and stop basing my self-worth on how many looks I got from men. I’m working on my weight for health reasons. My question is this: If I’m so open to finding someone and loving all of him, including his imperfections, do I really have to accept that I’m simply unlovable until I’m thin?

You conclude, “It took me a long time to really find myself and stop basing my self-worth on how many looks I got from men.” I understand that you believe that you’re over your dependency on men’s attentions, but if you truly were, you would not question, “Do I really have to accept that I’m simply unlovable until I’m thin?”

You surmise that “people quickly make assumptions about your lifestyle simply by your pants size…” Well, that’s not entirely true. People quickly make assumptions about everything you do, all the time. In a room of 300 people, you will have 300 different reputations. You can either accept this fact of life or become miserable trying to alter every single person’s perception, which you can’t do anyway.

12 Ways to Know That You Love Someone !!

TWELVE:
You talk with him/her late at night and when you go to bed you still think of him/her.

ELEVEN:
You walk really slowly when you are with him/her.

TEN:
You don’t feel Ok when he/she is far away.

NINE:
You smile when you hear his/her voice.

EIGHT:
When you look at him/her,you do not see other people around you. You see only him/her.

SIX:
He/She is everything you want to think.

FIVE:
You realise that you smile every time you look at him/her.

FOUR:
You would do anything to see him/her.

THREE:
While you have been reading this, there was a person in your mind all the time.

TWO:
You’ve been so busy thinking of that person that you didn’t notice that number 7 is missing.

ONE:
You are going to check above if that’s true and now you are silently laughing to yourself.

NOW MAKE A WISH! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT THE MOST…….

New Year's Dating Resolutions

The New Year is traditionally a time to self-evaluate and recommit to good habits. Why not commit to the health of your love life at the same time?
Ah, the New Year. It reeks of opportunity, doesn't it? This year, I'll get in shape. I'll call Mom more. I'll actually take a vacation. And what are you planning to do this year about finding the love you want?

If a relationship's on your list of things to do in 2009, then check out these resolutions for some inspiration to craft your own.

Resolution #1: Start living in the future
"Stop basing the potential relationship of your future to your relationships of the past," says Carole Brody Fleet, author of Widows Wear Stilettos. "We have all suffered our fair share of losers, liars, dimwits and so on. So laugh and let them go. Open your mind to the possibilities of your future and don't automatically condemn someone new based on your past experiences."

Another good idea: Write the names of those painful exes on strips of paper and burn them on New Year's Eve. It's a powerful and harmless gesture that can help you start 2009 with a clean slate.

Resolution #2: End unhealthy relationships
If you're too emotionally drained from hanging out with toxic friends, or mired in a relationship that's going nowhere, resolve to get out. That's the plan for Charlotte Millot of Gotham, N.Y. "I have resolved to end any relationships that are not healthy, supportive, or functional," she says.

She also resolves to stop looking. What? "The relationships that have been the most meaningful were not found," she explains. "They happened. I tend to be living life, enjoying myself, then one day I was hit over the head by someone I simply had to be with, who had to be with me. Our hearts do the dance and take it from there."

Resolution #3: Get back in the game
Seems obvious, but it bears repeating. If you're suffering from a broken heart, the best way to mend it is to get out there and date. That's what MaryAnn Lowry is doing — after the end of her 31-year marriage. "I had my last official date in 1975. I never forgot how to ride a bike, so using hypothetical reasoning, it can be assumed that I didn't forget how to behave on a date and earn a nice kiss on the lips by the end of the evening."

Resolution #4: Go out more
You're not going to meet your dream date sitting at home — cute mail carriers and pizza-delivery people aside. So go where the boys and girls are. "I'm resolving to go out with my friends during the week more, so we can maybe meet some people we wouldn't see out on the weekend," says Davie Alexander of Chicago.

Another good idea: Sign up for online dating and get networked with millions of other single people you wouldn't otherwise meet. Yet another: Go out and sit at a bar or cafe. The bartender or barista will keep you company and, if you ask, might introduce you to other single patrons. One more: Join a friendly local sports league or sign up for a volunteer activity.

Resolution #5: Ditch the bad self-talk and deadline pressure
If this isn't your first time ringing in the New Year single, you might be getting a little panicky about finding love. "It's so easy to feed into these self-destructive patterns, but it affords us an opportunity for self-reflection, introspection and getting in touch with ourselves in a real way," says Doree Lewak, author of The Panic Years.

"Give yourself a break and ease up on yourself. It's bad enough when we have to contend with external pressures — to marry, to bring that special someone home to Mom and Dad for the holidays — but to add internal pressure is downright cruel. The less we think (and obsess) about our marriage timeline, the more we'll let our relationships breathe naturally. And only then can we enable ourselves and our relationships to progress in a real way."

Now that you've read these resolutions, it's time to make some of your own. Do it now and get ready for love in 2009.

Dating Smarts You Must Have

First rule: Chemistry trumps all. Even if he talked too much about his hybrid car or had T-bone steak in his teeth the whole time, if his kiss made you melt, he gets a second date. On the flip side, we don't care if he's the hottest, richest, funniest, Orlando Bloomiest man ever. If smooching him gives you the creeps, cut your losses.

After you finally hook up with a guy you found online in a coffee joint, it's fine to tell your friends "We met at a coffee joint." It's not even a lie (sort of)! You get to be superficial. If he's wearing a fanny pack or showing off butt cleavage, feign an emergency and bail. (Hint: Say "It's a woman thing." He won't ask for details.)

A modern woman doesn't go out with her ex-boyfriend's work rival just so it'll get back to him and make him crazy. She does go out with his work rival though if she had a crush on him anyway.

A man who makes every conversation sexual from the get-go isn't trying to seduce you, he's trying to shock you. Don't take the bait. Your job isn't to prove to him that you can be one of the guys; it's his job to be a gentleman.

Any time a friend offers to set you up, make sure to ask her what she thinks you have in common with the guy —besides that you're both single. Heads up: If he spends even part of the evening responding to work e-mails on his crackberry, he probably wouldn't make the most attentive boyfriend. Then again, if you spend even part of the evening on e-mails, don't expect him to call for a second date.

Beware the boor who asks questions just so that he can give answers. Him: "What's the coolest place you've ever traveled to?" You: "Oh, probably Mex—" Him: "My favorites are Africa, London, Iceland, Costa Rica…"

Lots of people are between jobs, but a guy who cites The Man as his reason for it may be in arrested development. If the next day you can't remember anything interesting or clever he said and you guys weren't drinking, you're probably not that into him.

Maybe he's just being polite, but when a guy offers you a breath mint, always take it, just in case. Dating is supposed to be fun, not a chore. If you find yourself daydreaming mid-date about watching Law and Order reruns at home, give yourself a break.

If you've had a good time, compliment his planning ("I loved playing air hockey!"). It subtly invites him to call for date two and gives him a chance to ask right then, if he's bold.

Don't stress that first-kiss moment. Smile, say good-bye, and squeeze his hand, letting your fingers linger. He'll either make a move or he won't, and you'll get an awkwardness-free exit.

Another sexy way to make him ache for date two? Casually comment on his good-night kiss, like "Mmm, you're good at that." He won't stop wondering what other talents of his you'll like.

Romantic Idea

10 Commandments of Love

1. Give 100% of yourself at all times.
2. Treat your partner as the unique individual that he/she truly is.
3. Stay connected through your word and actions.
4. Accept change and support growth in both yourself and your partner.
5. Live your love.
6. Share the love, fear, work, and play.
7. Listen to your mate.
8. Honor the subtle wisdom of the heart and listen to the powerful insights of the mind.
9. Do not be a jerk or a nag.
10. Integrate the purity of spiritual love with the passion of physical love and the power of emotional love.

Red red roses that fill the room with its undeniable lovely fragrance, one that’s indeed of beauty and easily allures just anybody around.

A soft candle lit dinner, heart shaped balloons hung where it fits best, chocolates and flowing music all set to fill your senses and allow you to merge on through the night.

The breezy weather outside suitably fits your mood as the wind softly blows the curtains. The serenading wind blows and you can see stars shinning their brightest. And then right beside you, the person you have given your heart to , looks at you with such love in his eyes like he has never loved another, like he has never seen one as beautiful as you.

I pictured this perfect dinner setting with two lovebirds in my mind. I think its pretty romantic and perhaps it would be a less ordinary occasion for any couple. Yet my idea of romance is more than just candle lit dinners, its just not a perfect night of saying ‘I love you’s’ and savoring a single day of happiness. Maybe moments like these are necessary because they give us a lift, an extraordinary feeling and it certainly tells us that sometimes its important to spend quality time together.

Romancing is just not an affair that you keep for the sake of it and not because you are scared to be alone. Its that love in your heart for a person that takes you beyond your horizons and farer than you can imagine.

A perfect romance is loving wholeheartedly without any reservations. It is accepting each other just the way he or she is,it is tolerating each others’ temper and the things you don’t always agree to. It is trusting and being honest.It is having dreams of a life together.

Romancing is doing things for each other and never having to ask the other person to repay you back. My whole idea of romance comes down to love because love is the reason why it all began and it is this driving force that is going to stand the test of time.

Too Old to Dress Sexy?

A very insteresting Article i came across in MSN ....

It started where many things do for a woman -- looking at my reflection in a dressing room mirror.
I'd never felt like a head-turner, the type who got 'em panting on the construction sites. And that had been okay. Truly.
Well, mostly truly.... So long as it still felt that the only thing holding me back from buying whatever slinky item of clothing struck my fancy was price.
Then I cruised into Ann Taylor Loft and tried on a backless (nearly frontless) sundress that seemed perfect for a hot date. I gave myself a visual once-over, recoiled and let out an Edvard Munch-ian silent scream: My bare shoulders. Were they... Were they -- crepey?!
I flashed back to a 20-year-old memory of an editorial job at a magazine where the boss's fortysomething secretary pranced around in miniskirts and sexy tees which, to my youthful gaze, looked inappropriate for a woman of her years. Was I now she -- over 40 and inappropriate?
Obviously I'm not the only female to face this existential crisis wrapped in a sexy sundress. Says Barbra Williams Cosentino, LCSW, RN, a Forest Hills, New York psychotherapist specializing in boomers' issues, "Many women in this age group define their sense of worth from other people's perceptions of them. If they don't see an appreciative glint in the eye of someone whose gaze lands on them, it's a reminder that older is not considered beautiful in our society, and that's very sad."
This is one, well, wrinkle that in some ways is easier for a non-knockout to handle. I've spent a lifetime telling myself I possess other attributes that make me attractive.

But Carrie Tyler, until recently the undisputed belle of the construction sites, is finding it difficult to cede her crown to a successor. A single mother, the 45-year-old New Jersey-based interior decorator says, "I've worked very hard to stay in shape and have always gotten a lot of positive attention. But recently while walking sandwiched between my 15- and 17-year-old daughters, I noticed men's eyes jumping from one girl to the other, completely passing over me." She admits heavily, "This sounds awful but it was really very upsetting."
Mary Jo Fay, RN, MSN, author of Get Out of Your Boxx and Live the Life You Really Want, puts this feeling into perspective: "Those who were 'hot' back in the day have a much tougher time of it, worrying their looks are leaving them. If they don't have the gorgeous guy on their arm, there must be something wrong with them."
Dating can be an ego knock even when you feel at the top of your game. Fay suggests, "Women over 40 need to switch their focus from hotness to character, emotional connection, and self-worth. Rather than frequenting singles venues, use the 'get a life' method of dating, which means focusing on things you love to do. Your best self shines here and you will turn heads with your charisma."
Charisma is an outgrowth of self-confidence -- and for many women, assuredness finally kicks in at midlife. Devi, a 57-year-old woman confident enough to forgo a last name, says, "I have been a knockout most of my life but didn't know it because I looked at what was wrong with me versus what was right." A designer of flattering clothing for all ages and body types, Devi affirms, "Now that I'm confident in my own skin I feel comfortable telling a gorgeous guy of any age, 'You are so cute!' It's not meant as a come-on but as an appreciation." This carefree approach results in her being appreciated as well; men swarm around Devi like ice cream lovers circling Haagen-Dazs.
Back to me. While I've had a lifetime to become basically Zen with not being gorgeous, I'm the anti-Buddha when it comes to the idea of dressing in a way that feels like resignation to my new "status." And that's okay. Barbra Williams Cosentino says, "It's not about trying to look like a 22-year-old but about wearing what makes you feel comfortable and attractive, even if there's some jiggly skin involved."
I stared and stared and stared into the dressing room mirror, sighing and thinking. Yes, this is a person who gets called "ma'am" more often than feels comfortable. But this is also a person who's holding together pretty well, all things considered. I don't look hot-hot-hot, but I'm still cool. Years of sundresses and bikinis from my past flashed by me. The verdict: Wear bikinis? Nyet. Give up wearing shoulder baring sundresses? Not yet.

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communication in relationship

19 Steps to Effective Communication

1. See communication as an opportunity to praise, build-up, affirm, heal, support and give positive reinforcement, rather than to correct, criticise, tear down, hurt, wound, lash out at. Praise opens doors to further communication, while criticism shuts them down.

2. Remember that actions speak louder than words; non-verbal communication usually is more powerful than verbal communication. Avoid double messages in which the verbal and the non-verbal messages convey something contradictory. (Credibility gap)

3. Define what is important and stress it; define what is unimportant and de-emphasise or ignore it. Avoid fault-finding.

4. Communicate in ways that show respect for the other person’s worth as a human being. “Avoid statements which begin with the words “You never …” or “I think you …”.

5. Be clear and specific in your communication. Avoid vagueness.

6. Be realistic and reasonable in your statements. Avoid exaggeration and sentences which begin with “You always …”

7. Test all your assumptions verbally by asking if they are accurate. Avoid acting until this is done.

8. Recognize that each event can be seen from different points of view. Avoid assuming that other people see things like you do. (Perception)

9. Recognize that your family members and close friends are experts on you and your behaviour. Avoid the tendency to deny their observations about you – especially if you are not sure.

10. Recognize that disagreement can be a meaningful form of communication. Avoid destructive arguments.

11. Be honest and open about your feelings and viewpoints. Bring up all significant problems even if you are afraid that doing so will disturb another person. Speak the truth in love. Avoid sullen silences.

12. Do not put down and/or manipulate the other person with tactics such as ridicule, interrupting, name-calling, changing the subject, blaming, bugging, sarcasm, criticism, pouting, guilt-inducing, etc. Avoid the one-upmanship game.

13. Be more concerned about how your communication affects others than about what you intended. Avoid getting bitter if you are misunderstood.

14. Accept all feelings and try to understand why others feel and act as they do. Avoid the tendency to say, “you shouldn’t feel like that.”

15. Be tactful considerate and courteous. Avoid taking advantage of the other person’s feelings.

16. Ask questions and listen carefully. Avoid preaching or lecturing.

17. Do not use excuses. Avoid falling for the excuses of others.

18. Speak kindly politely and softly. Avoid nagging yelling or whining.

19. Recognize the value of humour and seriousness. Avoid destructive teasing.

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